the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
