Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
