I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
