it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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