Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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