I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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