I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
