Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
