marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
