she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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