$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
