I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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