is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
