Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
