Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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