I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
