I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
