Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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