I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
