before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
did i just pee glitter
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
