i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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