never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
