you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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