Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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