I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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