you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
