Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
