there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
