My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
