you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She bit a glass in half.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
