Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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