We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Randomize
