I just gift wrapped bread.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
