Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
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