i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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