She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
