I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
