And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
