Please, let me fuck your mom
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm like, not good at living.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
that is very illegal...i love you.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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