oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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