i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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