I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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