nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
