good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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