Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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