So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You made out with two different species that night
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
