dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
