Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
God I need to hump something, right now.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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