Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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