this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
