I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
