Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
