White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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