I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Why can't burritos get me drunk
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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